Good Things

 

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I was once called a “tomorrow person”. It cut me to the core. It was implied that I couldn’t achieve my goals because I always put things off “until tomorrow”. That relationship ended, I was left broken and alone, but for the first time in a long time, free. Free to pursue what made me happy, what I wanted. And I had a dark day, a very dark day. Maybe a run of dark days. I maintained getting up and making the motions of the day, eating, motherhood, working, socialising, but inside me was a black pit. Trauma resonated through my bones, nightmares plagued my sleep, I was engaging with a poltergeist who now, thankfully, only resided in my head. I had people ask me why? And it hurt to not be understood. So I changed. Not who I was, but how I was. I finally understood that if I didn’t go out and achieve the things I wanted, someone else would. I printed this poster and I taped it to the door to my living area, so I could see it all day. I walked past it and stopped and tapped it, I said it in my mind, I said it out loud. I visualised being the one crossing out those words. And slowly, ever so slowly, things began to change for me. It will never be over and never be perfect, I’ll always be in a state of change. I’ll always be improving. The poltergeist still resides but I keep him locked in the cupboard now. There’s a key around here somewhere…under a pile of papers…that I’ll clean up…tomorrow.

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